(ICW logo, crackles into static...which crackles into the Chaos intro and theme!)
(We are LIVE in front of a small arena of great fans, cheering like nuts! Not as impressive as an Explosion or Aggression crowd, but give us time!)
JR: Welcome to Chaos, I'm Jim Ross and with me is a stain on the underpants of life, Eric Bischoff!
EB: Thanks, JR, you decrepit old fossil! Tonight's show is the biggest yet! After a great appearance on Explosion,
our owner, Tony Sadowski, the man behind the Chaos, has a BIG announcement tonight that effects everyone not ONLY on Chaos...but everyone in ICW as well!
JR: Well, he's not talking about what it is specifically, and believe me, I've tried! I'm not just the announcer around here, I'm the Vice President of the damn COMPANY, and I don't even know what he's got cooked up!
EB: How'd you get to be Vice President? I want a title, too!
JR: How about Head Jackass?
EB: Ha ha...so funny, as always, JR. I sure hope Coach and Al Snow replace you on Raw this Sunday!
JR: Huh?
EB: Er...nothing. Sorry, forgot this is fake for a moment. THERE IS NO WWE! AND GOOD RIDDANCE!! Because tonight's show will blow you away! We've got Big Sal versus Albert for the ICW Chaos Hardcore Championship, and if the match is half as big as the guys that are in it, we're in for something good!
JR: Both men certainly very popular on Chaos, and it'll be interesting to see if the crowd is STILL behind both of them when it's over!
EB: Excellent point, Ross. I've seen many matches where two quote-unquote "good guys" go in and one leaves to boos...and it's usually the winner. In a Hardcore match...anything goes, so you can be sure the winner of this one is going to have to use some tactics to come out on top that might not sit too well with the fans!
JR: Well...that...that was a pretty good point, too, Eric.
EB: Well, look at this! I think we've had a breakthrough!
JR: Don't push your luck, skidmark...
EB: WHAT?!! HEY!
(DAWN MARIE comes out to a new theme, it's pretty rockin'. She gets a good pop, being sexy and all, and comes to the ring.)
DM: Hey, boys!
(HORNY POP!!!!!!111)
DM: And all you sexy LADIES out there tonight...(smaller pop)...have I got a TREAT for YOU! No, no...I won't be taking off any clothing. (BOO!) Well, maybe SOME clothing...(POP!)...but I am going to REVEAL a little something to you right now in this ring, and I hope you all pay CLOSE attention! Introducing the two men I'll be SERVICING...EVERY NIGHT...as a manager...CHRIS CANDIDO AND KEN SHAMROCK!
(Ken and Chris come out to a decent pop.)
DM: Introducing...the PUNISHERS!!
KS: Listen up...I'm tired of ALMOST making it to the top of federations. It happened in WWF, it's happening here, and Dawn is going to make sure NEITHER of us have any trouble GETTING ON TOP!
(POP!)
CC: I've always had a sexy manager, and this is one of the sexiest! (POP!) And we WILL be dealing out LOTS of PUNISHMENT around here! You have to admit...we make one HELLUVA' THREESOME!!
(Punishers theme, the one Dawn came out to, hits and the threesome leaves to a decent reaction.)
(Commercial.)
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No. 1 Contender, Light Heavyweight Title:
Justin Credible v. Maven
-----------------------------------
Good match, Credible obviously the veteran. He schools Maven much of the time, but the heel Maven, who cost Justin the title last week, comes back in a BIG way at the end, flipping off the fans and being a general bad guy before nailing his finisher on Credible for the 1, 2, 3! Maven, of all people, faces Crash Holly next week for the title, and it should be a good, fast-paced match! But will Justin be out for revenge? Dun dun DUNNN.....eh, I don't know. I haven't written that far, yet. Ha ha.
========================================================
Tag Team Match:
Punishers v. D-Lo/Rodney Mack
-----------------------------------------------
A VERY good tag match, both teams with solid wrestlers capable of very exciting, action-heavy matches and spots! They go it it for a while, and D-Lo hits a Lo-Down on Candido late in the match! The cover, close to the ropes...but Dawn Marie takes off her high heel and WHACKS D-Lo over the head with it, allowing Candido to get reverse the pin on a KO'ed D-Lo and get the 1, 2, 3! Punishers win!
========================================================
Singles Match:
Noble v. Goldust
------------------------
Noble puts up a good fight against the heel Goldust, and Goldust begins a comeback that keeps Noble down as he dominates the next several minutes, punishing Noble. Goldust sets Noble up for the Golden Globes nut-kick in the corner, charges, and DRIVES his foot into the crotch of Noble, who falls to the ring in agony. Goldust stands over Noble and mocks the fans, then does that chest-rub/breathing/bite thing to BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!!!! However...Noble takes advantage of Goldust's show-boating and manages to reach up, grab GD's tights, and roll the gold freak up for the 1, 2, 3!! Crowd flips out with joy as a stunned Goldust kneels in the ring, watching Noble hold his junk, but begin to walk up the ramp to the cheers! Goldust is pissed!!! Noble looks at GD, stops, and comes back, grabbing a mic from a jabroni at ringside.
JN: Yew know, Gol'dust...you ain't won a damn match since you starting jumpin' down the fans throat. I just made you ma' bitch, boy! Yew been in this business for years! Your DADDY was in this business, it's in yer BLOOD! You aughta' know better, man! Come on, snap out of it! Have a little fun, man! Ever'body loved the Big Gold Machine when he was a freak...man, it's what yew ARE! If you ain't gonna' be any fun...why don't yew jes' take off that damn goofy make-up and yer stupid gold jumpsuit and stop pretendin'! If yer a tough gah', yer a tough gah'!! And yer gonna' have gah's like ME kickin' your ASS ever' week!
(Noble's theme hits, he gets a good pop, and Goldust looks like he's in deep thought as he slowly leaves the ring and heads to the back.)
JR: I wonder what's going through his mind right now? I can't imagine what it must feel like for a long-time professional like Goldust to be told to GROW UP, basically, by someone who hasn't been in the business 2 years!
EB: He needs it, JR! Face it, Goldust is STALE! No one cares about him anymore! He's been a clown for years, now he wants a little respect as a WRESTLER! Noble's right...take off the stupid costume and just come out and wrestle. You don't have to wear costumes to put on a good show!
JR: Did you read "Wrestling for Dummies" over the week or something? You don't sound as blisteringly unintelligent as usual!
EB: I'll take that as a compliment, JR!
(Tony Sadowski appears on the screen for the first time in the show (?!) in his office! Big Sal and the rest of the FBI are hanging around. They're dressed in nice black slacks and shirts, Sal in his tux, looking all mafia. It's totally bitchin'!)
02: (Sighs, head in hands.) I can't believe I'm even considering this!
N: Hey, look at da' bright side, bawss! Ad leas' you'll have enuff money da run this place.
P: More den enuff, Big Shot! Dis is the oppa-tunity Chaos is been waitin' for!
02: Yeah, I guess it is...and it'll definitely be interesting...but I own this place, guys. I bought it with every cent I had, and if it crashes, I go down in flames with it. Just hope I made the right decision giving him so much say in the company.
S: Bawss, you ain't godda worry about it. The FBI has your back, and you'll make back all da money you put into dis place right away!
02: Oh, I know I'll make money off of it...I just can't believe it's come to this. Giving 50% ownership of MY COMPANY, ICW Chaos...to -- (KNOCK ON THE DOOR!)
JR: Dammit! He was about to tell us what the hell's going on around here!
EB: Chaos has a new co-owner?!
JR: Yeah, Bischoff...looks like you have TWICE the BROWN-NOSING to do, now!
EB: Who's a brown-noser?! Just because Big Shot looks incredible tonight, and I'm proud to be his hard-working employee doesn't make m--
JR: Oh, stuff it, Eric.
(In the office, a figure walks in. Wearing a suit, but we can't see his face.)
02: You made it. Well, why don't you and I get out there..."partner?"
(Commercial.)
========================================================
(02 comes to the ring to a MASSIVE pop. He's surrounded by the FBI, all of whom are totally bitchin'. Big Sal has a Hardcore Title match up next, actually! He's looking especially big tonight. In the ring, Tony takes a mic.)
02: Ladies and gentlemen, THANK YOU for that great welcome!
(POP!!!!11)
02: Then again, I can't say I don't deserve it! But I'm not out here to pat myself on the back. In fact, I'm out here to eat a little humble pie. I have an announcement to make that may surprise some of you, but I'm convinced it's the best move to make for Chaos, and it'll at the VERY least help it live up to its name! So, without anymore stalling...ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my new partner and 50% owner of Chaos...(looks around, then a big smile come to his face)...MR. VINCENT...KENNEDY...MCMAHON!!!
(SUPERPOP!!!!111)
(Vince has been off TV for a LONG time, and the fans are happy to see him strut to the ring, huge grin on his face, being Vince McMahon! VM stops halfway down the ramp, looks at 02, and they joke that Tony's surprised to see him. Vince enters the ring and after shaking hands with Tony, is handed the mic.)
VM: It's been a long...long time since I've heard that. And I thank you.
(POP!!)
VM: I've been watching Tony for years now. After all, this is the man who put me out of business, and I was angry at him, that's for DAMN sure. I even managed to get the better of him on one occasion...but like him, I was put out on my ass again. And as I sat on Vince McAss, I said to myself, "Vince, if Tony can turn around his career like that and open a new federation...then you can make a comeback, too!" So, I'm back, ladies and gentlemen, and Big Shot and I have put aside our differences. We both have tremendous success in this business, I don't have to tell you that...and I think you all know that Tony DID make the right choice. Like me or not, I helped MAKE wrestling. If Tony is ICW's daddy...then Vince McMahon is the GRAND-DADDY OF ICON CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING! And with the two of our heads together...listen. Everyone listen carefully. You hear that? That's the sound of ADAM LASKOWSKI AND ED MOORHOUSE SHAKING IN THEIR BOOTS!! HA HA HAAA! IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK, DAMMIT!!!
(Vince gets a HUGE pop and drops the mic. Tony's theme plays as the two of them shake hands again and raise eachother's arms in celebration! Tony goes to the ropes and calls to someone at ringside to toss him something. The crowd pops as Tony catches 2, then 4 cans and tosses 2 of them to Vince! The two of them crack them open and enjoy a good MOUNTAIN DEW in the center of the ring, the newest sponsor of ICW: Chaos! Vinnie Mac is already making a monetary difference, and the crowd is VERY into him being back in wrestling again...if only to find out what's going to happen next! Tony tosses a few cans to the FBI, and they look at them, expecting beers, shrug, then join the co-owners of Chaos in Doing the Dew.)
(Commercial.)
===============================================
Hardcore Title Match:
Albert v. Big Sal
-Sal is still in the ring after the Dew-bash with Tony and Vince before the break. Albert's theme hits, and he comes out to a nice pop! Why the hell are these guys faces and why are then main eventing?! Well, it's working, so I won't complain. A tough-guy match with both men taking a lot of stiff weapon shots to the head before going down. Really rough, brutal stuff, and the crowd's behind both men, torn! Eventually, the FBI comes back out, standing at ringside, acting innocent whenever the ref turns his attention their way. Nunzio grabs Albert's leg as he attempts to bounce off the ropes and trips the A-Train up. Big Sal capitalizes by picking up Albert, slamming him to the mat hard, then getting a running start and SPLASHING Albert to hell! Cheers for Sal, he stays down for the cover...1...2...ALBERT GETS HIS FOOT ON A ROPE!! A-Train gets lucky, and by the time the gigantic Sal is back on his feet, Albert is already pulling himself up on the ropes. He gets up and turns to see Sal just getting to his feet and turning towards him...an Albert charges in for a VICIOUS LEAPING CLOTHESLINE that sends both men crashing to the mat. Sal lands flat on his back, and Albert slowly gets up, then bounces off the ropes for a splash of his own on Sal! He covers, 1, 2...Sal pushes Albert off of him! Nunzio and Palumbo are happy on the outside, coming over to pat Sal on the back and offer some encouragement, but Albert is up, charges Sal and SPEARS the big man to the outside, crushing the smaller full-blooded Italians on the floor! Pop for the cool spot. Albert goes out, somehow steers Sal back into the ring, and grabs a chair from under the apron! Inside, he whacks a standing Sal once. Nothing. TWICE!! Sal starts getting wobbly, the crowd is cheering Albert on! Albert bounces from the ropes, THREE BIG SHOTS!!!! Sal's on one knee!!! Albert climbs to the top turnbuckle, LEAPS OFF AND SMACKS SAL ACROSS THE FOREHEAD BRUTALLY!! Sal's down, crowd's cheering, FBI's squashed outside, and Albert covers for the 1, 2, 3!! Albert is the new Chaos Hardcore Champion! After the match, Albert takes the Hardcore belt, celebrates a big win, and takes a mic! He finally feels like he's a success as a wrestler, and he's glad the fans are starting to get behind him, he thanks them for their support (total face). He says he's a big guy, and will do his best to hold on to the Hardcore Title as long as he can! As the crowd pops, Nunzio and Palumbo slide in and proceed to beat down Albert! Sal gets up and joins in for a BIG splash OFF THE SECOND ROPE on a downed A-Trian, adding insult to injury. The crowd boos them, and we fade out on the trio with their arms raised in victory at the end!
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